At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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