I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
