why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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