I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
