she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
