Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
