how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
