so explain again why im purple
no
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
