a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
