We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize