i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
