Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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