I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
