How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
