i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you traded sex for a burrito?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
