fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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