What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
