4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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