All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
