I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize