I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
