I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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