AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
