nut hugger
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
