38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
