so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
