How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're too hungover to prance.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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