Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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