Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
