you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
