Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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