you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
