mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
