i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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