you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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