I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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