I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
