I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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