we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
