she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize