a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize