she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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