I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
