My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
