Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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