alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
