I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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