My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
