The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
