Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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