you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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