you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
