If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
