I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize