idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
