Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
