I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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