When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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