Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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