Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found your dick twin last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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