What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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