oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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