He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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