So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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