I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He did a backflip because drugs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
