Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize