This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
