Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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