she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
