it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
