So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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