Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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