I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize