if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
