Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
