and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would ride that face into the sunset
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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