life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
