some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
