I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
