is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
