how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In other news, I just burned my penis
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
