She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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