I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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