Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
