glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
